Not coping.

[logansrogue]

I don't know if' it's cause my period is due in the next three days, or whether it's because I've been in non-stop pain. I just feel like I'm going crazy. That all there is in my life is pain and coping with pain.

I want to go running. I want to go to a disco. I want to play at the beach. I want to swim twenty laps of the fifty-metre pool. I want to do fifty sit-ups and get my abs back. I want to walk to school, walk up that hill like it never bothered me like I used to. I want to rock on stage and feel alive. I want to have the energy to sing my best.

I do not want to need my heatpack more than once a month. I do not want to be taking any more pills for the pain. I do not want to miss another day of school for pain. I do not want to have to compromise on my life work because of my pain. I don't want to have to give up a session of drawing cause I'm just too sore.

I don't want to feel useless anymore. I don't want to feel old, or fragile, or ugly.

I want those hooks that rip at my insides to be melted and poured away. I want to feel strong and healthy again.