Spoon level: Critical.

You ever get those weeks where you're like, "Nope, not even, don't even, I'm off the map, yo."?

This is turning into one of those weeks. Shit, it's been two months like that actually, a friend brought it to my attention that I'd been unusually quiet for two months, and I realised, "Fuck, I am not in a good mental place."

Which is really worrying cause I don't feel distressed in any way, I just feel unable to DO anything. Like it's taking all my energy just to exist, and I hate myself for not getting anything done. I really do. I mean, last week I managed to get some cleaning done, and I've been doing my walks and taking up weight training (boyfriend showing me how, I want Xena shoulders). I started all that, but I also started the pill and it's leaving me horribly moody and weird.

I've been either in a ridiculously good mood or snapping or pouty at the turn of a dime, it's so embarrassing. Thank God, my boyfriend has been very understanding. Love that man ridiculously.

Anyway, so then I hear some truly horrible shit in the news, and I just can't this week. I can't cope. If anyone on my list happens to be affected by the shooting in Colorado, I'm so, so sorry. I just about burst into tears when I heard about it, I couldn't cope. It's hard to even talk about it, cause words are so fucking trite, you know?

Then I read some pretty grim shit about global warming, and it just makes you want to hide in a hole. Which I'm trying not to do.

On the upside, I'm learning how to knit. If I can knit AND crochet, I would have learnt two new crafts this year, and that's pretty kick-ass.

I'm watching my sister go through her pregnancy, too. It's different this time, cause it's my baby sister going through all this and not a much older big sister, and one day, it'll be me (hopefully a couple of years away!). It's all so visceral and REAL somehow. It's an amazing journey, and I love planning and plotting the clothes I'll crochet/knit as gifts, and the toys I'll buy for it, and the games we'll play. Boy or girl, it is going to be in such a loving, huge, supportive family. It's one of the rare good things I'm looking forward to in life right now, something I'm really truly happy about like I used to be when I was a kid. Just seeing the ultrasound scans makes me tearily happy.

What a rambling post! LOL. This is what happens when I decide to write something when I'm both high and thoughtful and hormonal on new BCPs. I love you all, even the people I haven't heard from in ages. If anyone ever wants to comment, but worries I won't remember them, or would be unhappy that you'd comment after not hearing from you for so long or something stupid like that - I honestly don't take that shit to heart. Feel free, at any time, to drop a line, even if it's something you do for that one moment. Life is a series of blessings and good moments, I take 'em as I get 'em.

OH! I helped save a cat the other day. Some girls couldn't get their GIANT BEHEMOTH FURRY CAT OF DOOM (he was so cute) to calm down in the car while they were taking him to the vet. I loaned them my pet carrier (my only one) so they could take the cat to the vet, and I calmed them down and assured them that the wound to the cat's face wasn't too bad, that it'd heal, and that all they'd need was antibiotics for it. I was totally right. I love helping people. Seriously, it's one of those truly guilt-free, wonderful things that makes life worth living.