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Jan. 2nd, 2010
Happy New Year? Not for my knees!
Jan. 2nd, 2010 10:06 pmYou should see them. Bruised, scratched, battered. I wish I could say I got these injuries in a really cool way, like - knife-fighting a kung-fu master or falling off of a motorcycle chasing an international jewel thief, or after a marathon night in a hotel room with David Tennant after half a bottle of vodka and a bevvy of dirty pick-up lines about sonic screwdrivers, but no.
No no.
First knee to go down to 2010 - technically a 2009 injury. I ran into a bottle shop to quickly grab a bottle of cheap strawberry champers. I was wearing six inch wedge shoes with black tighs, so I slipped and I didn't just stagger, I didn't just fall. I flew a full metre through the air and landed on the carpetted floor with an ALMIGHTY THWACK-THUD.
EVERYONE in the shop stopped, turned, looked, and went, "Ooooohhh!" with a wince. I was SO EMBARRASSED.
"I'm not drunk!" I said, "I swear! I just haven't worn these shoes in six months!"
The only upside was that a super cute Indian guy asked if I was all right. Wanted to take HIM home with me for New Years, I tells ya!
Then the second knee injury happened today. I was foolishly trying to snorkel in bad weather. The waves weren't huge, but they were sudden, strong and were total dumpers. And one of them dumped me.
RIGHT ONTO A FUCKING ROUGH LIMESTONE REEF LEDGE.
Thanks be to God I landed on my bottom for the most part, and my knee slowed me down and stopped the wave from totally drowning me. I struggled up the beach, coughing and spluttering, "FUCK! YOU BITCH! FUCKIN' SEA! YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ME FOR A YEAR AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET?! FROTHY MISBEGGOTTEN WHORE!"
And just to piss me off, the sea calmed down as I gathered my wits, then got rough again as I tried to go back in. I couldn't even see my tits in front of me so I gave up. I'll go when the water ISN'T trying to kill me, thanks.
So I made a total fool of myself at both the bottle shop AND the beach. But the beach was more my fault than anything the water did. Then I watched the last episode of Doctor Who for last year and cried for half an hour.
Not a good day.
No no.
First knee to go down to 2010 - technically a 2009 injury. I ran into a bottle shop to quickly grab a bottle of cheap strawberry champers. I was wearing six inch wedge shoes with black tighs, so I slipped and I didn't just stagger, I didn't just fall. I flew a full metre through the air and landed on the carpetted floor with an ALMIGHTY THWACK-THUD.
EVERYONE in the shop stopped, turned, looked, and went, "Ooooohhh!" with a wince. I was SO EMBARRASSED.
"I'm not drunk!" I said, "I swear! I just haven't worn these shoes in six months!"
The only upside was that a super cute Indian guy asked if I was all right. Wanted to take HIM home with me for New Years, I tells ya!
Then the second knee injury happened today. I was foolishly trying to snorkel in bad weather. The waves weren't huge, but they were sudden, strong and were total dumpers. And one of them dumped me.
RIGHT ONTO A FUCKING ROUGH LIMESTONE REEF LEDGE.
Thanks be to God I landed on my bottom for the most part, and my knee slowed me down and stopped the wave from totally drowning me. I struggled up the beach, coughing and spluttering, "FUCK! YOU BITCH! FUCKIN' SEA! YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ME FOR A YEAR AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET?! FROTHY MISBEGGOTTEN WHORE!"
And just to piss me off, the sea calmed down as I gathered my wits, then got rough again as I tried to go back in. I couldn't even see my tits in front of me so I gave up. I'll go when the water ISN'T trying to kill me, thanks.
So I made a total fool of myself at both the bottle shop AND the beach. But the beach was more my fault than anything the water did. Then I watched the last episode of Doctor Who for last year and cried for half an hour.
Not a good day.
