Big Day Out starts for me at 9am!

Some band across the street is practicing. They are giving me 90s flashbacks man. They sound like Nirvana humped the Songs in the Key of X soundtrack. Seriously, I feel 15. That used to be a good feeling but it just depresses me these days cause I realise how NOT fifteen I am. How very thirty I'm going to be very soon.

I'm tired and ravenous. I don't know what to eat for breakfast. I really miss toast. If I really hated myself, I'd eat a plate of toast. But I don't hate myself, far from it. So I'll probably have macaroni and cheese. Or last night's delicous curry leftover. Yes, I realise my eating habits are totally weird but believe me, it's not out of choice. Not entirely, anyway.

I've also decided I love snarky, empowered women. You know, the internet sort that don't take no shit. Not the "WHEE, SEX IN THE CITY, WHAT IS THAT BITCH WEARING?!" sort. They're just fucking lame and embody everything I hate about the way I'm expected to behave due to the concavity of my genitals.

(My word, I think I'm going to have my period!)

HAhaha! Oh, hormones!

I just took a lorazepam pill before I fed some poor unsuspecting man's dick to a wood-chipper. Dad was looking to be first in line because I didn't put away the dishes the very instant I got up out of bed. Never mind the fact that the fucking metal cutlery in concert with the detergents makes my pompholyx flare up like a bitch.

Clearly, I need to try to relax and chill out. I'm going to spend money on a stupid game that plays your mp3s and you have to catch shapes that fly through the air. It's called Music Catch. I found it very spacey and relaxing. Yeah, it's a waste of money but if it stops me throttling someone, it's got to be some good, right?