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For as long as I live...
Oct. 7th, 2008 02:24 pmI will never, ever get tired of the "You Are A Pirate" song. It always makes me happy and bouncy, even if I don't physically feel up to being bouncy and happy.
Oct. 7th, 2008
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Dancing with the Devil.
Oct. 7th, 2008 10:01 pmTonight I was starkly reminded of my full return to opiates by the break in my suddenly quiet bowel schedule. What had previously gone like clockwork suddenly stopped, and today it started again and I had a few days activity in one excrutiatingly painful and crampy half hour. Now I'm washed out, tired, sore, you name it. I said to my sister, "I feel like I've starred in a Jeff Stryker feature."
I asked the doctor if there were any other pain relief options for me, any other pills I hadn't taken yet. He said there wasn't, and nothing else. I've been feeling rather hopeless ever since, and I keep distracting myself but I come back to the fact that - there's NO BREAK from this pain. And if I DO have a break, I pay for it. I pay for it with rebound headaches, depression, extended sleeping hours and the special all-over skeeziness that becomes a repeat user of opiates.
Mirena hasn't helped me as I hoped it would. I can't describe the disappointment and frustration I feel. All I want is to be able to function again. I don't want perfect health, I don't want millions, or even hundreds of thousands. I want to be able to fulfill the dreams I've spent years working on. I want to be able to do my comics, do my music, do the things that make my life worth living. Right now I'm so tired, so sore, so bloody rooted every fucking day that I have a few hours of possible activity, and then I shut down, I'm a fucking zombie.
I keep telling myself that I should be thankful for small blessings, though. And thankful of huge ones as well. A miracle happened this week - Johnny came home. Johnny came out of hospital, okay, after an amazing fight. He inspires me so much, there's no words. He's a remarkable soul, that man, absolutely remarkable.
Maybe I'll be better off the Mirena. I feel like Mirena is magnifying my problems a lot. Especially the energy issue, I've been absolutely shit with my energy lately.
I'm sure I'd feel better once I get Mum's laptop back and can put my work on it and start writing again. I've written nothing lately and it's driving me NOOTS. Arrgh. Sadly I have to wait two weeks before I get the fucking thing back again. And that's probably on TOP of the time that I have to get the fucking power cord to those handless cunt-buckets.
...
Trust my little brother Scotty to make me laugh so hard I nearly chuck up. *wipes tears* God that son of a bitch is funny. Life isn't so bad when you've had a good laugh. :)
I asked the doctor if there were any other pain relief options for me, any other pills I hadn't taken yet. He said there wasn't, and nothing else. I've been feeling rather hopeless ever since, and I keep distracting myself but I come back to the fact that - there's NO BREAK from this pain. And if I DO have a break, I pay for it. I pay for it with rebound headaches, depression, extended sleeping hours and the special all-over skeeziness that becomes a repeat user of opiates.
Mirena hasn't helped me as I hoped it would. I can't describe the disappointment and frustration I feel. All I want is to be able to function again. I don't want perfect health, I don't want millions, or even hundreds of thousands. I want to be able to fulfill the dreams I've spent years working on. I want to be able to do my comics, do my music, do the things that make my life worth living. Right now I'm so tired, so sore, so bloody rooted every fucking day that I have a few hours of possible activity, and then I shut down, I'm a fucking zombie.
I keep telling myself that I should be thankful for small blessings, though. And thankful of huge ones as well. A miracle happened this week - Johnny came home. Johnny came out of hospital, okay, after an amazing fight. He inspires me so much, there's no words. He's a remarkable soul, that man, absolutely remarkable.
Maybe I'll be better off the Mirena. I feel like Mirena is magnifying my problems a lot. Especially the energy issue, I've been absolutely shit with my energy lately.
I'm sure I'd feel better once I get Mum's laptop back and can put my work on it and start writing again. I've written nothing lately and it's driving me NOOTS. Arrgh. Sadly I have to wait two weeks before I get the fucking thing back again. And that's probably on TOP of the time that I have to get the fucking power cord to those handless cunt-buckets.
...
Trust my little brother Scotty to make me laugh so hard I nearly chuck up. *wipes tears* God that son of a bitch is funny. Life isn't so bad when you've had a good laugh. :)
