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Happy day.
Sep. 29th, 2006 07:59 pmI had a happy day today. I went into Fremantle. I was walking and enjoying the sunshine, I felt thin and pretty and I went shopping after I dealt with Centrelink. I bought a new top, a little statuette of Bastet, some stuff for my bathroom needs and some stickers for my Amaryllis scrapbook.
I even got complimented on the way home. A young man totally came onto me. I'm saying 16-18 year old, here. He says "Hey!" And I go, "Hi!". He then says, "You're lookin' lovely!" Pause. "I'd really love to take you home tonight!"
It was at that point I broke up into laughter. I don't mind it when men speak actual words to me instead of whistling or catcalling. I was very flattered that such a young guy thought I looked good.
Finally, there's a quote that I keep seeing on Xena Online Forums from the ep "The Furies". It's a line Ares said and I really like it:
"No, life isn't worth living. It's to be taken and beaten and wrestled and formed in your image. That's where the meaning lies - in what you can twist life into. For those who just endure life, yeah - it's a very nasty joke. But, for those who form it with their will, the joke is on those who get in the way."
Now, of course I don't agree with the 'get in the way' sentiment at the end, but the main message really means a lot. That one doesn't sit back and let life glide by. That you don't let it just happen - you engage in it an get what you can out of it. I never realised how much I took for granted before I got sick. Now I want to squeeze life like a big juicy orange and get what I can out of it. I want to be a part of the human race reaching for something better. Even if all I contribute to this journey our species is going through is a few drawings, a few songs and a bunch of writing, hey! At least I tried.
I was thinking about that on the way home, walking in the sunshine, feeling an aerobic rush for the first time in over a year. I also had another thought.
I get depressed a lot. It happens. Whether it's chemical or emotional, it's a something that I feel again and again. And once, in the midst of a suicidal depression, I said to myself, "Why do I bother being happy? Sadness always returns. This crushing pain always comes back." But then today I realised I was looking at it from the wrong perspective. I realised that yeah, I get sad. But I always get happy again. Happiness always returns. I get over whatever's upsetting me. I get pills for whatever chemical problems I'm having. And if I'm sick, I can work to get better. And even if I'm not sick - I can make the most of what I've got. I did. And now God's blessed me with a better constitution.
So I really *really* feel like I've been blessed. It feels almost miraculous to me, even though it's a routine surgery that women undergo all the time. Sure, I'm having problems with the codeine, but I've been addicted to drugs before. Sure, not opiates. But I'm going to talk to my doctor about coming off these ones. Hopefully he'll help me formulate a good programme of getting off them.
Anyhoodles. I'm two steps away from Tony Robbins here, so I'm going to go get busy writing and enjoy the absolutely blissful weather we've been having.
Looking forward to the Grand Final tomorrow. GO EAGLES! Surprised about the Vics backing the Eagles. How odd! And the Royal Show starts tomorrow. It's like a State Fair, really. Animals and farming equipment and rides and people selling shit. Showbags! (I don't know what Americans call them). GREAT! :D I can't wait to go on a CAMEL! CAMEL RIDES! WHEE! I'll get photos of that, I promise ya!
Love,
Nancy.
I even got complimented on the way home. A young man totally came onto me. I'm saying 16-18 year old, here. He says "Hey!" And I go, "Hi!". He then says, "You're lookin' lovely!" Pause. "I'd really love to take you home tonight!"
It was at that point I broke up into laughter. I don't mind it when men speak actual words to me instead of whistling or catcalling. I was very flattered that such a young guy thought I looked good.
Finally, there's a quote that I keep seeing on Xena Online Forums from the ep "The Furies". It's a line Ares said and I really like it:
"No, life isn't worth living. It's to be taken and beaten and wrestled and formed in your image. That's where the meaning lies - in what you can twist life into. For those who just endure life, yeah - it's a very nasty joke. But, for those who form it with their will, the joke is on those who get in the way."
Now, of course I don't agree with the 'get in the way' sentiment at the end, but the main message really means a lot. That one doesn't sit back and let life glide by. That you don't let it just happen - you engage in it an get what you can out of it. I never realised how much I took for granted before I got sick. Now I want to squeeze life like a big juicy orange and get what I can out of it. I want to be a part of the human race reaching for something better. Even if all I contribute to this journey our species is going through is a few drawings, a few songs and a bunch of writing, hey! At least I tried.
I was thinking about that on the way home, walking in the sunshine, feeling an aerobic rush for the first time in over a year. I also had another thought.
I get depressed a lot. It happens. Whether it's chemical or emotional, it's a something that I feel again and again. And once, in the midst of a suicidal depression, I said to myself, "Why do I bother being happy? Sadness always returns. This crushing pain always comes back." But then today I realised I was looking at it from the wrong perspective. I realised that yeah, I get sad. But I always get happy again. Happiness always returns. I get over whatever's upsetting me. I get pills for whatever chemical problems I'm having. And if I'm sick, I can work to get better. And even if I'm not sick - I can make the most of what I've got. I did. And now God's blessed me with a better constitution.
So I really *really* feel like I've been blessed. It feels almost miraculous to me, even though it's a routine surgery that women undergo all the time. Sure, I'm having problems with the codeine, but I've been addicted to drugs before. Sure, not opiates. But I'm going to talk to my doctor about coming off these ones. Hopefully he'll help me formulate a good programme of getting off them.
Anyhoodles. I'm two steps away from Tony Robbins here, so I'm going to go get busy writing and enjoy the absolutely blissful weather we've been having.
Looking forward to the Grand Final tomorrow. GO EAGLES! Surprised about the Vics backing the Eagles. How odd! And the Royal Show starts tomorrow. It's like a State Fair, really. Animals and farming equipment and rides and people selling shit. Showbags! (I don't know what Americans call them). GREAT! :D I can't wait to go on a CAMEL! CAMEL RIDES! WHEE! I'll get photos of that, I promise ya!
Love,
Nancy.
