Sweet Christ, it's 4am.

I've been crying all night and now it's 4am.

I feel like a stupid petulant teenager, actually. Cause, you know, I shouldn't be crying. Others have it much worse. At least I have a comfortable place to stay and a good family that loves me and supports me. I have laughs every day with these people. And I have a chance of getting better, you know? I do.

Plus Molly is sending me a laptop. And it's my birthday, soon. I'll be having a party - people will be making a fuss out of me. (if I'm lucky). So I really, *really* gotta stop being so damned negative.

And if I get the sickness benefits, they'll just dock the 3000 dollars from my paycheck in increments. And I get to have someone represent me if I'm too sick, so I'll have an excuse to bring my mother in and have her knock a few heads together with the Death Stare she does.

AND I still have my comics and my art and my writing. It's not ALL bad. It's just - not good. *sighs*

*deep cleansing breaths* Okay. I'm going to cheer the fuck up. Or try to. I'll accept the sadness, own it, and just - move on.

Aaah, I'm scum.

I hate begging for things. Let me get this over with quickly.

It's a Laptop Postage Fund. The wonderful and generous Molly and her equally wonderful husband have an old laptop they can give me. They're strapped for cash, however, and can't pay for the postage from their place to my place in Australia. Molly is still figuring out the postage, but it's anywhere between 50-100 USD. I'm thinking fifty should be fine.

Anyhoodles. Don't you dare give me money if you can't afford it. Little bits are fine, really. The laptop will be for:

- Writing when I'm sick
- Amusing myself when I'm sick
- General soothing of my brain when I'm recumbent.

It'll be of particular use when I'm post-op. Cause I tell you - was THAT fuckin' boring. Though hopefully I'll also have the Dune books to read at that time. That's beside the point.

I feel dirty about this coming on the heels of a sulky weepy post, but sometimes it makes me better to pull myself up by the bootstraps and make an attempt to improve my life somehow. It's not a very admirable way - I hate scumming off my friends. Just think, though - if I have unlimited time to lie around and write, I might even get some of Harriet finished. (HAh. I'm an evil c***.)

Cheers,
Nancy.

\/ Lookit the baby down there. Lookit her. She's hopeful, see? \/

Barbarella, Carrie-della!

( Desktop time... )