The Quest to pop my Cherry

Well. It seems that my friends Tom and Stephie are set on spoiling my purity and getting me laid. Tom shoved some scottish guy called Raymond on the phone to me today, and the guy phoned me back a few times in the same day (he works as a sales rep guy so he has to use the phone for work, so he was just trying to talk to me for more than 30 seconds without the boss coming down on his ass) and he seems like a nice enough guy. Thing is - you guys *know* me. I'm "Happy Being Single" girl. He asked to see me some time, I said I'd meet him at the pub on Friday night, and I'm forcing Tom to come with me. I told Tom in no uncertain terms that this guy Ray might seem like a nice guy to know. That's it.

See, as the subject title suggests, I still haven't gone 'all the way' with anyone yet. And there's really a reason for that. It's a *choice*. And lately my friends just seem to think that it's because I *can't* get laid. Now - you see my picture up there? Now, not to sound arrogant or up myself, but I can scrub up to be a pretty gorgeous girl, and as such, I could get laid any day of the week if I chose to. I meet nice guys, I meet sweet people, and none yet have been the kind of person I've wanted to bump uglies with. I just don't understand why this is an issue, you know? People are so crazy about being open and free and accepting of people who want to be like that with their sexuality, but they seem to be so bloody judgemental with people who go the other way, who just aren't *interested* in being that way.

Don't get me wrong. I am a very sensual, sexual person. I've just had an old fashioned up-bringing I suppose. I'm a romantic. If I fuck someone, I just want to be in love with them. Is that too much to ask? And right now, I am not interested in any relationships. I'm interested in myself, my career, my life. And people think it's unhealthy for me to be that way, and assume that I must be unhappy for some reason, because I'm alone.

Shit, I get lonely like anyone. But I have my cats to hug, and I'm fine. I'm so into my own life and my music and my work, that I - I just don't *ache* for someone, you know? I have an empty space inside that I know will be filled with someone one day. I know that one day I'll be completed. But my older sister Helen is like, "Hurry up before you get ugly" and shit.

It's so frustrating. I don't want to worry about this. I don't care about it right now. I still feel so young and so new to all of this 'adult' bullshit (That feels all like grown up games ANYWAY) that I just want to get a hold of my headspace.

I dunno. I guess my friends interfering is getting to me. I love them dearly but I just - I feel claustrophobic as soon as this talk of boyfriends and shit starts up. I don't know why, it's so stupid. I've always felt it, I've always freaked out badly about people being interested in me.

I guess I bought into this whole "You'll meet the right one" crap when I was a kid, and everyone tells me it's crap, and this stubborn little kid inside of me is insisting that if it's not the one I'm waiting for, then she doesn't want any part of him. It's wrong, because I might miss out on getting to know some really lovely guys. On the same note though, that little kid is awfully perceptive on who's a good kinda person or not.

I guess one worrying thing is, accidental pregnancy. I don't want to be fucking every Larry, Bruce and Jerry and then having a bun in the oven because of it, or worse, any diseases. Again, my career comes first.

Anyways, I'll be meeting this Ray guy at the Last Drop on Friday. I have to force Stephie to come too.

Oh my GOD - do you know what she and Tom did to me?! They announced in the middle of a quiet, empty sex shop, wiTHIN the hearing of the store guy, that I was a virgin. Just went and made some loud-assed joke about it. I really felt like crying, you know? I don't know why - I was just SO embarrassed. I've never been so embarrassed and - I don't know - *ashamed* - in all my life. I feel like a real loser, and I know I shouldn't, but Christ I just wanted to crawl up my ass and DIE when they did that. And Tom just jokes about it and thrusts men in my face and I'm like - I don't know what to do. I'm an intensely shy person, despite all my loud bravado and flirty nature. When it comes to serious advances of the opposite sex, I blush red as a beet, I get scared, and I just want to hide - unLESS it happens to be a guy I'm rather interested. Then I can kinda get past those feelings because I feel like I'm doing it all for a reason. If it's a guy I'm uncertain about, however, then I tend to get all jittery and strange.

And here he is setting me UP with people. I want to KILL him! Even if the guy *is* Scottish. And I bet he's not even cute. Bastard. God I hate this so much *whimpers*.

Anyways, I got a LOT to do today. A lot of artwork to send to Natalie and stuff. She wanted it by Thursday. I'm so freaking out. I don't know what to do about that. Do as much as I can I suppose.

Lenny came in during the day. He's sleeping on the chair and keeping me company. He loves his old Mum he does.

The Quest to pop my Cherry

Well. It seems that my friends Tom and Stephie are set on spoiling my purity and getting me laid. Tom shoved some scottish guy called Raymond on the phone to me today, and the guy phoned me back a few times in the same day (he works as a sales rep guy so he has to use the phone for work, so he was just trying to talk to me for more than 30 seconds without the boss coming down on his ass) and he seems like a nice enough guy. Thing is - you guys *know* me. I'm "Happy Being Single" girl. He asked to see me some time, I said I'd meet him at the pub on Friday night, and I'm forcing Tom to come with me. I told Tom in no uncertain terms that this guy Ray might seem like a nice guy to know. That's it.

See, as the subject title suggests, I still haven't gone 'all the way' with anyone yet. And there's really a reason for that. It's a *choice*. And lately my friends just seem to think that it's because I *can't* get laid. Now - you see my picture up there? Now, not to sound arrogant or up myself, but I can scrub up to be a pretty gorgeous girl, and as such, I could get laid any day of the week if I chose to. I meet nice guys, I meet sweet people, and none yet have been the kind of person I've wanted to bump uglies with. I just don't understand why this is an issue, you know? People are so crazy about being open and free and accepting of people who want to be like that with their sexuality, but they seem to be so bloody judgemental with people who go the other way, who just aren't *interested* in being that way.

Don't get me wrong. I am a very sensual, sexual person. I've just had an old fashioned up-bringing I suppose. I'm a romantic. If I fuck someone, I just want to be in love with them. Is that too much to ask? And right now, I am not interested in any relationships. I'm interested in myself, my career, my life. And people think it's unhealthy for me to be that way, and assume that I must be unhappy for some reason, because I'm alone.

Shit, I get lonely like anyone. But I have my cats to hug, and I'm fine. I'm so into my own life and my music and my work, that I - I just don't *ache* for someone, you know? I have an empty space inside that I know will be filled with someone one day. I know that one day I'll be completed. But my older sister Helen is like, "Hurry up before you get ugly" and shit.

It's so frustrating. I don't want to worry about this. I don't care about it right now. I still feel so young and so new to all of this 'adult' bullshit (That feels all like grown up games ANYWAY) that I just want to get a hold of my headspace.

I dunno. I guess my friends interfering is getting to me. I love them dearly but I just - I feel claustrophobic as soon as this talk of boyfriends and shit starts up. I don't know why, it's so stupid. I've always felt it, I've always freaked out badly about people being interested in me.

I guess I bought into this whole "You'll meet the right one" crap when I was a kid, and everyone tells me it's crap, and this stubborn little kid inside of me is insisting that if it's not the one I'm waiting for, then she doesn't want any part of him. It's wrong, because I might miss out on getting to know some really lovely guys. On the same note though, that little kid is awfully perceptive on who's a good kinda person or not.

I guess one worrying thing is, accidental pregnancy. I don't want to be fucking every Larry, Bruce and Jerry and then having a bun in the oven because of it, or worse, any diseases. Again, my career comes first.

Anyways, I'll be meeting this Ray guy at the Last Drop on Friday. I have to force Stephie to come too.

Oh my GOD - do you know what she and Tom did to me?! They announced in the middle of a quiet, empty sex shop, wiTHIN the hearing of the store guy, that I was a virgin. Just went and made some loud-assed joke about it. I really felt like crying, you know? I don't know why - I was just SO embarrassed. I've never been so embarrassed and - I don't know - *ashamed* - in all my life. I feel like a real loser, and I know I shouldn't, but Christ I just wanted to crawl up my ass and DIE when they did that. And Tom just jokes about it and thrusts men in my face and I'm like - I don't know what to do. I'm an intensely shy person, despite all my loud bravado and flirty nature. When it comes to serious advances of the opposite sex, I blush red as a beet, I get scared, and I just want to hide - unLESS it happens to be a guy I'm rather interested. Then I can kinda get past those feelings because I feel like I'm doing it all for a reason. If it's a guy I'm uncertain about, however, then I tend to get all jittery and strange.

And here he is setting me UP with people. I want to KILL him! Even if the guy *is* Scottish. And I bet he's not even cute. Bastard. God I hate this so much *whimpers*.

Anyways, I got a LOT to do today. A lot of artwork to send to Natalie and stuff. She wanted it by Thursday. I'm so freaking out. I don't know what to do about that. Do as much as I can I suppose.

Lenny came in during the day. He's sleeping on the chair and keeping me company. He loves his old Mum he does.