The Long Goodbye

[logansrogue]

I went to check on Melma this morning. She's looking rather beautiful for the horrible condition she's in. I poked her. I pushed her back and forth. After a minute she lifted her head and purred at me. She loves me, but she's so very tired. I can see it. She's listing to the side as she sits in the grass.

Her interest in food has waned. She still eats a bit but not as much as she used to. My brother is out buying her her favourite naughty human food - doughnuts.

She would tackle a person for a doughnut in her healthier days. We'll feed her doughnuts, brush her fur, and take her in.

Dad's gonna build her a coffin. I'll carve her name in it, and I'll make her a tombstone out of something. Brick, rock, something, until I can make her a pretty one.

When I woke up this morning, I didn't know if I was doing the right thing. I thought I would be taking her life against her will. But seeing her out in the garden, I can see she's just waiting to go. It's hard, but I can see that finally, Melma is ready for the end. After all her amazing battles, her gutsy spirit, her love of life, she has reached a point where it would be a cruelty to inflict life upon her further.

I would like to think God is waiting for her. Death feels so much crueller to me without the gentle arms of the light there to catch someone on the other side. I hope I see her out of the corner of my eye when I'm in the garden... just like I sometimes think I see Xena (my cat, not the warrior princess).

Oh, the way in and out of this world is so messy, so rough. There can also be a beauty in it. I hope I can make this beautiful for Melma. And dignified.

Comments

[catundra.livejournal.com]

So sorry to hear you both have to go through this - it is one of the hardest decisions but ultimately the kindest. I hope it is peaceful for both of you.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

It's been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I've never known the meaning of the phrase, "I would do anything for [*]" until today, when I told the vet, I would do anything for Melma. I'm terrible about death, but I stood with it in the room and said goodbye as she went to sleep. I sang her "Pie Jesu". I was crying so hard, but I sang that damned song for her.

I feel a peace now, and I think Melma does too. No more pain. I'll just miss her like the buggery.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Thanks you, gorgeous man.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

*squish*

[svashtar.livejournal.com]

As a former Vet Tech, I can honestly say that it's the most peaceful way to go. Generally, the critter will be sedated a bit with some diazepam, then the family gathers around and says goodbye as the pink liquid is injected into the bloodstream.

They really do just go to sleep.

I often think people should be allowed this dignity when we're ready to go. Instead, we're just left to linger till we're nothing but an empty shell. Sad really.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

She was in so much pain. Blood from her rectum, she was drinking and drinking and not urinating at all, so we'd guessed her kidneys had shut down. She'd sleep and her breathing would get shallow, but she just wasn't letting go. It was like a friggin' tug-of-war between this world and the next and it wasn't fair on her at all. The vet said, repeatedly, that we did the right thing.

Because of the cat's bad state, the vet didn't even bother with the sedative. She didn't even flinch. She just sort of sat there and then drifted away. And the liquid was green.

We all held her and touched her as she left. Well, Helen and Scotty did. I grabbed hold of Scotty and sobbed into his shoulder like an idiot. I was bawling like I'd lost a human friend.

[nicoli-dominn.livejournal.com]

I know this is belated, but I truly feel for you in these last few moments between you and Melma. ::HUGS:: It's awful to watch an old friend leaving, but hopefully, it will be easy on her. She has you and her loving family to keep her comfortable in the meantime, though, and you're doing all you can.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

[asweetdownfall.livejournal.com]

*hugs* My deepest sympathies, Nance. :(

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Thanks darling.

[purrdence.livejournal.com]

*big hugs*

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Thanks, love.

[angriest.livejournal.com]

Having gone through this with an old cat before I really do appreciate how difficult this is.

May sound like a silly or awful thing to say: make sure you've got a few good photographs of her - I've only got the one photo of my first cat who died when she was 21 and it makes me sad I don't have more to remember her by.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

We're a strange, sentimental lot. We took lots of photos and video of her. Alive AND dead. She also had an *awesome* funeral.

[angriest.livejournal.com]

That's good, and as it should be. I'm so sorry for your loss. : (

[nephron.livejournal.com]

It is so hard to say goodbye, but I remember when I had to make the decision that it was time for Kasumi to go- he was in much the same state that Melma is now. It's hard to let them go, but I think they do tell you when they're ready.

My love goes out to you and Melma.

[bunny-m.livejournal.com]

I remember when my cat, Chuckles, was in this state. I am eternally grateful I got to say a last goodbye to him, but it would have been utter cruelty to leave him the way he was. He was in an even worse state than Melma, although he was only 15.

Praise Bast that we got to share their lives and were given their love for as long as we did.

*cries*

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I painted an ankh on Melma's coffin and I told Bast to take care of her.

[bewarethespork.livejournal.com]

*Epic hugs* I'm praying for both of you.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the prayers.

[xedra.livejournal.com]

(((BIG BIG CUDDLEHUG)))
I'm so sorry Nance. Oh, I feel for you so much right now. :(

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Thank you, sweety.

[meleth.livejournal.com]

*hug* I'm sorry, sweetie. But you've given her a great life, and all the love any cat could have.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

More love than can be believed. Not just me, but an entire family of people who love their cats dearly.

[melalucci.livejournal.com]

:*(

I do believe she'll be taken care of.

[hmsharmony.livejournal.com]

*Hugs* I'm so, so sorry. Losing a pet...it's always so difficult. But Melma is so lucky to have had someone as caring as you to take care of her. There's no doubt in my mind that she had a WONDERFUL life.

You know, it's strange -- I've never really believed in a heaven for humans, but when it comes to pets...I can't help but think there IS someone waiting to take care of them on the other side. And no matter what, she will ALWAYS be with you. <3

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I was lucky to know such boundless love as that Melma had for her family. I was only returning it to her in kind.

I think the human afterlife is more complicated than just heaven. Bit of a repeat cycle before our souls are just right, I think. That's my theory anyway. Cats, though, they're little angels.

[epea-pteroenta.livejournal.com]

It might not seem like the most appropriate thing to say, but this post made me cry. What you wrote is beautiful and moving. Melma has been a very lucky cat to have you and it sounds that you've been very lucky to have her. Just wanted to say, I'm thinking of you both. *hugs*

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Perfectly appropriate, and greatly appreciated, *hugs*

[hotclaws.livejournal.com]

It's sad but you gave her a wonderful life, that's what you need to remember in the months to come.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Thanks, buddy.

[transcendancing.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry for your loss, I am thinking of you and family.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Thanks, beautiful darling.

[anarchicq.livejournal.com]

This post caused a lump in my throat.
I'm saddened for you but I know she's in a better place free of pain and I know you gave her every comfort you could as she was passing.

[holly-go-noor.livejournal.com]

:( I'm sorry about your kitty.

When we had to have my childhood dog put down, my father took her out for ice cream first - her favorite human treat, as well. She was too tired to eat it. :( But, I hope she saw him getting it and knew we loved her.