The Long Goodbye

[logansrogue]

I went to check on Melma this morning. She's looking rather beautiful for the horrible condition she's in. I poked her. I pushed her back and forth. After a minute she lifted her head and purred at me. She loves me, but she's so very tired. I can see it. She's listing to the side as she sits in the grass.

Her interest in food has waned. She still eats a bit but not as much as she used to. My brother is out buying her her favourite naughty human food - doughnuts.

She would tackle a person for a doughnut in her healthier days. We'll feed her doughnuts, brush her fur, and take her in.

Dad's gonna build her a coffin. I'll carve her name in it, and I'll make her a tombstone out of something. Brick, rock, something, until I can make her a pretty one.

When I woke up this morning, I didn't know if I was doing the right thing. I thought I would be taking her life against her will. But seeing her out in the garden, I can see she's just waiting to go. It's hard, but I can see that finally, Melma is ready for the end. After all her amazing battles, her gutsy spirit, her love of life, she has reached a point where it would be a cruelty to inflict life upon her further.

I would like to think God is waiting for her. Death feels so much crueller to me without the gentle arms of the light there to catch someone on the other side. I hope I see her out of the corner of my eye when I'm in the garden... just like I sometimes think I see Xena (my cat, not the warrior princess).

Oh, the way in and out of this world is so messy, so rough. There can also be a beauty in it. I hope I can make this beautiful for Melma. And dignified.

Comments

[catundra.livejournal.com]

So sorry to hear you both have to go through this - it is one of the hardest decisions but ultimately the kindest. I hope it is peaceful for both of you.

[svashtar.livejournal.com]

As a former Vet Tech, I can honestly say that it's the most peaceful way to go. Generally, the critter will be sedated a bit with some diazepam, then the family gathers around and says goodbye as the pink liquid is injected into the bloodstream.

They really do just go to sleep.

I often think people should be allowed this dignity when we're ready to go. Instead, we're just left to linger till we're nothing but an empty shell. Sad really.

[nicoli-dominn.livejournal.com]

I know this is belated, but I truly feel for you in these last few moments between you and Melma. ::HUGS:: It's awful to watch an old friend leaving, but hopefully, it will be easy on her. She has you and her loving family to keep her comfortable in the meantime, though, and you're doing all you can.

[asweetdownfall.livejournal.com]

*hugs* My deepest sympathies, Nance. :(

[purrdence.livejournal.com]

*big hugs*

[angriest.livejournal.com]

Having gone through this with an old cat before I really do appreciate how difficult this is.

May sound like a silly or awful thing to say: make sure you've got a few good photographs of her - I've only got the one photo of my first cat who died when she was 21 and it makes me sad I don't have more to remember her by.

[nephron.livejournal.com]

It is so hard to say goodbye, but I remember when I had to make the decision that it was time for Kasumi to go- he was in much the same state that Melma is now. It's hard to let them go, but I think they do tell you when they're ready.

My love goes out to you and Melma.

[bewarethespork.livejournal.com]

*Epic hugs* I'm praying for both of you.

[xedra.livejournal.com]

(((BIG BIG CUDDLEHUG)))
I'm so sorry Nance. Oh, I feel for you so much right now. :(

[meleth.livejournal.com]

*hug* I'm sorry, sweetie. But you've given her a great life, and all the love any cat could have.

[melalucci.livejournal.com]

:*(

I do believe she'll be taken care of.

[hmsharmony.livejournal.com]

*Hugs* I'm so, so sorry. Losing a pet...it's always so difficult. But Melma is so lucky to have had someone as caring as you to take care of her. There's no doubt in my mind that she had a WONDERFUL life.

You know, it's strange -- I've never really believed in a heaven for humans, but when it comes to pets...I can't help but think there IS someone waiting to take care of them on the other side. And no matter what, she will ALWAYS be with you. <3

[epea-pteroenta.livejournal.com]

It might not seem like the most appropriate thing to say, but this post made me cry. What you wrote is beautiful and moving. Melma has been a very lucky cat to have you and it sounds that you've been very lucky to have her. Just wanted to say, I'm thinking of you both. *hugs*

[hotclaws.livejournal.com]

It's sad but you gave her a wonderful life, that's what you need to remember in the months to come.

[transcendancing.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry for your loss, I am thinking of you and family.

[anarchicq.livejournal.com]

This post caused a lump in my throat.
I'm saddened for you but I know she's in a better place free of pain and I know you gave her every comfort you could as she was passing.

[holly-go-noor.livejournal.com]

:( I'm sorry about your kitty.

When we had to have my childhood dog put down, my father took her out for ice cream first - her favorite human treat, as well. She was too tired to eat it. :( But, I hope she saw him getting it and knew we loved her.