The Long Goodbye

[logansrogue]

I went to check on Melma this morning. She's looking rather beautiful for the horrible condition she's in. I poked her. I pushed her back and forth. After a minute she lifted her head and purred at me. She loves me, but she's so very tired. I can see it. She's listing to the side as she sits in the grass.

Her interest in food has waned. She still eats a bit but not as much as she used to. My brother is out buying her her favourite naughty human food - doughnuts.

She would tackle a person for a doughnut in her healthier days. We'll feed her doughnuts, brush her fur, and take her in.

Dad's gonna build her a coffin. I'll carve her name in it, and I'll make her a tombstone out of something. Brick, rock, something, until I can make her a pretty one.

When I woke up this morning, I didn't know if I was doing the right thing. I thought I would be taking her life against her will. But seeing her out in the garden, I can see she's just waiting to go. It's hard, but I can see that finally, Melma is ready for the end. After all her amazing battles, her gutsy spirit, her love of life, she has reached a point where it would be a cruelty to inflict life upon her further.

I would like to think God is waiting for her. Death feels so much crueller to me without the gentle arms of the light there to catch someone on the other side. I hope I see her out of the corner of my eye when I'm in the garden... just like I sometimes think I see Xena (my cat, not the warrior princess).

Oh, the way in and out of this world is so messy, so rough. There can also be a beauty in it. I hope I can make this beautiful for Melma. And dignified.

Comments

[svashtar.livejournal.com]

As a former Vet Tech, I can honestly say that it's the most peaceful way to go. Generally, the critter will be sedated a bit with some diazepam, then the family gathers around and says goodbye as the pink liquid is injected into the bloodstream.

They really do just go to sleep.

I often think people should be allowed this dignity when we're ready to go. Instead, we're just left to linger till we're nothing but an empty shell. Sad really.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

She was in so much pain. Blood from her rectum, she was drinking and drinking and not urinating at all, so we'd guessed her kidneys had shut down. She'd sleep and her breathing would get shallow, but she just wasn't letting go. It was like a friggin' tug-of-war between this world and the next and it wasn't fair on her at all. The vet said, repeatedly, that we did the right thing.

Because of the cat's bad state, the vet didn't even bother with the sedative. She didn't even flinch. She just sort of sat there and then drifted away. And the liquid was green.

We all held her and touched her as she left. Well, Helen and Scotty did. I grabbed hold of Scotty and sobbed into his shoulder like an idiot. I was bawling like I'd lost a human friend.