logansrogue (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
logansrogue) wrote2010-01-23 02:34 pm
logansrogue) wrote2010-01-23 02:34 pm
Rape Apology and Rape Culture - Even *you* can contribute to Victim Blaming!
AN: Please keep in mind that this entire angry rant is using the general "you", not the specific "you". Oh for days when we had a choice between "You" and "Thou".
So! You're progressive! You're forward-thinking, forward-acting, and you care about the little people. Bravo!
But don't get too comfortable. Nobody's perfect - that's what it is to be human! In your striving to be compassionate, to be intellectual and logical, however, be careful not to pad your conscience with the bumper zone of being an apologist. Whether that be in charges of racism, sexism, misogyny or what the hell ever.
This Post and subsequent thread at Jezebel illustrates just that.
People seem to be having a really hard time parsing the fact that rapists are Nice People Too. They care for their grandmothers, they look after their babies, they help you out when you're down! They are people's brothers, husbands, best friends, relatives. It really hurts when you find out that someone you care about or have been social with is actually a predator. It sucks, but believe me when I tell you, you are doing nobody any favours by dismissing their crimes as mistakes, or as one-time affairs.
Let me explain it as simply as I can.
Rape happens because one person thinks they're entitled to another person's body. Rape happens because the perpetrator has huge fucking psychological problems and can't deal with life on their own. So to compensate for that, they scrabble for control by taking control of other people's bodies. This is a learnt behaviour that is integral to who they are as a person. Many values and behaviours branch from this deep belief of entitlement.
A rapist is someone who thinks their mental well-being is more important than YOUR life and happiness. Than your safety, your security, your mental well-being.
They are selfish bastards that will put themselves above other people.
Not all people, of course. Not usually men, not particular women or children. No, not everyone. And there-in lies the fucking problem.
"He's never hurt me," people think. "It would be rude not to talk to them." "One act doesn't mean you still can't be a good person!" "But he was so nice to me all those years!"
By even airing this stuff as a default, by bringing this up every time a rapist is discussed, it is both bringing the victim into doubt and minimizing the crime. This happens enough in our culture. This shit isn't said in a vacuum, and every time someone assumes a rapist is a great guy, they're ignoring the victim, belittling their pain and their right to justice.
What about the victims? Aren't they usually great people too? Mothers and wives and daughters and sisters and cousins. I'm sure some of them like dancing, or helping rescue puppies and kittens. They might even like to go swimming or give to charity or help at the local homeless shelter.
Then one day some buttwipe decides that their own power and satisfaction is more important than that victim's selfhood.
Hundreds of thousands of people make excuses for him. And then the culture thinks it's okay. The victim is silenced. The predator is given voice and priority.
Don't be an apologist. What kind of person the rapist is is never, ever the issue. It doesn't matter. What matters is that someone is hurt and that we must stop people being hurt.
~~*~~
A/N2: Please understand that I navigated my own great anger, hurt and fury at the world to write this post. Use some sensitivity if you're going to disagree with me, but really - I rather you just didn't bring it up if you do.
So! You're progressive! You're forward-thinking, forward-acting, and you care about the little people. Bravo!
But don't get too comfortable. Nobody's perfect - that's what it is to be human! In your striving to be compassionate, to be intellectual and logical, however, be careful not to pad your conscience with the bumper zone of being an apologist. Whether that be in charges of racism, sexism, misogyny or what the hell ever.
This Post and subsequent thread at Jezebel illustrates just that.
People seem to be having a really hard time parsing the fact that rapists are Nice People Too. They care for their grandmothers, they look after their babies, they help you out when you're down! They are people's brothers, husbands, best friends, relatives. It really hurts when you find out that someone you care about or have been social with is actually a predator. It sucks, but believe me when I tell you, you are doing nobody any favours by dismissing their crimes as mistakes, or as one-time affairs.
Let me explain it as simply as I can.
Rape happens because one person thinks they're entitled to another person's body. Rape happens because the perpetrator has huge fucking psychological problems and can't deal with life on their own. So to compensate for that, they scrabble for control by taking control of other people's bodies. This is a learnt behaviour that is integral to who they are as a person. Many values and behaviours branch from this deep belief of entitlement.
A rapist is someone who thinks their mental well-being is more important than YOUR life and happiness. Than your safety, your security, your mental well-being.
They are selfish bastards that will put themselves above other people.
Not all people, of course. Not usually men, not particular women or children. No, not everyone. And there-in lies the fucking problem.
"He's never hurt me," people think. "It would be rude not to talk to them." "One act doesn't mean you still can't be a good person!" "But he was so nice to me all those years!"
By even airing this stuff as a default, by bringing this up every time a rapist is discussed, it is both bringing the victim into doubt and minimizing the crime. This happens enough in our culture. This shit isn't said in a vacuum, and every time someone assumes a rapist is a great guy, they're ignoring the victim, belittling their pain and their right to justice.
What about the victims? Aren't they usually great people too? Mothers and wives and daughters and sisters and cousins. I'm sure some of them like dancing, or helping rescue puppies and kittens. They might even like to go swimming or give to charity or help at the local homeless shelter.
Then one day some buttwipe decides that their own power and satisfaction is more important than that victim's selfhood.
Hundreds of thousands of people make excuses for him. And then the culture thinks it's okay. The victim is silenced. The predator is given voice and priority.
Don't be an apologist. What kind of person the rapist is is never, ever the issue. It doesn't matter. What matters is that someone is hurt and that we must stop people being hurt.
~~*~~
A/N2: Please understand that I navigated my own great anger, hurt and fury at the world to write this post. Use some sensitivity if you're going to disagree with me, but really - I rather you just didn't bring it up if you do.
no subject
An interesting question is whether a rapist can ever redeem him/herself? Especially in case of Polanski, one wonders this. We're told he's married, got children but all that is not redeeming, not in the slightes.
If somebody hurts someone else they have to fulfill a process of accepting their errors, being truely sorry and to face consequences none of this happened here.
Contrary his wife shows with this kind of comments they still haven't accepted that he hurt that girl, took in a way so much quality life from her...it is still all about him, not about that little girl.
But it is easier to pretend all this never happened, to get on with life without looking back on first glance...however as difficult as it seems it is if one really thinks about it easier to face consequences, be truthfully what anybody did directly rather than to have a whole life full of demons.
Somebody like that as much as they like to pretend otherwise will never become truly happy again, lies eat one away...and that is in a way consequences of their crime as well. We may not see it but that's in a way justice. That's probably karma.
I hope for you, despite everything you find happiness and thanks for this thought-provoking entries of yours.
no subject
I think if a rapist accepts their deep psychological problems and is in continual therapy for the rest of their lives for it? Sure, they can try to redeem themselves. My sister even forgave her rapist.
Unfortunately a lot of rapists are sociopaths, so they don't look at what they do as wrong. Like Polanski, they either make excuses, go on about how hard their life is or just don't care.
A lot of people don't realise this, and so they think that victims and their advocates that want to lock away certain rapists for life are heartless, vengeful harpies.
Far from it.