The 'Rape' Fantasy

[logansrogue]

Interesting to see women respond to this Dolce & Gabana ad on ONTD.



See, I'm... I'm funny on this issue. I think it's okay for women to have their fantasies. But there's a distinct list of things that I do not fantasise about, that I never will and find extremely disturbing. Those are:

- Abuse
- Rape
- Incest
- Myself being dominated.

Now, maybe it's been my upbringing with my overbearing father making me buck any sort of authority figure or dominance (armchair psychology ahoy) or the fact that I've been brought up by my staunch feminist of a mother, but nothing turns me off more than a male seeking dominance or control. There has only ever been ONE situation where being overpowered by a man in a sexual situation didn't bother me, and that's because I implicitly trusted the man and I knew that he'd rather poke out his own eyeballs than hurt me (or any living thing for that matter). And it was playful anyhow.

I don't *like* being vulnerable. I don't like being reminded of being vulnerable. When I'm naked and in bed with someone, I'd prefer to feel empowered. Not in the sense that I dominate over the other partner - I couldn't stand that. I like two people being intensely excited by the other just being there and the power is in what they do to each other.


Am I nuts? Crazy? Unusual? Let me know what you think.

Comments

[fifteensixty.livejournal.com]

The thing is, D&G simply said it was a sexual fantasy by way of explanation. They didn't say it was the woman's sexual fantasy, and there's nothing to denote the scene as a female's sexual fantasy. It seems to me more like a man's gang rape fantasy. And even if it is a fantasy, how does that make it acceptable public advertising? If the advertisement showed a child being pinned down by a man, it could be someone's sexual fantasy, but that by no means makes it acceptable whatsoever.

I have no problem with the idea of people preferring to be submissive in the sexual aspect of a relationship, and although I might not feel that way myself, I can understand that some people enjoy being dominated, and I don't think that's wrong. But the issue is when it's depicted in such a way that it is offensive and demeaning and shows no sense of responsibility in the purveyors.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I was sort of talking about all the women that were talking about it being their sexual fantasy. And I was trying to understand *why* women enjoy that. I like to understand differing opinions on things.

I never said I think it's *wrong* in any way, just that I felt funny about it in my own situation.

I agree with you - that ad is demeaning, as is the one where the man is getting fondled (though somehow it's less menacing because he's visibly stronger than the stick-thin models supposedly 'holding' him down).

[fifteensixty.livejournal.com]

I just wanted to say what I thought of the ad since I didn't comment over on ONTD because my comment would have been on like the fifth page of comments and no one would have read it.

I also didn't read the comments about women saying it was their sexual fantasy, but yeah, apparently the rape fantasy is quite common. I don't think that women are wishing for rape in general, because it's a violating and degrading thing, but I think it's more the case that they wish someone they are attracted to (but can't necessarily express that attraction to) would just have sex with them, without verbal consent from the woman. I think it's conceived as a "rape" fantasy just because the woman didn't verbally discuss the desire with the person of her fantasy and the suddenness of it makes it almost seem like it wasn't consensual, but it would be consensual. I've heard of a few females having rape fantasies about a male colleague in the workplace, just because it might be inappropriate to express their desire or attraction but they would still like to have sex with that man and because it may not be an issue that can be discussed, they might just wish it would happen without it being their responsibility, i.e. the man initiated sex without verbal consent.

As for the aspect of being submissive, I don't think it's necessarily about feeling exposed or vulnerable. I think it's about someone else being in control and using you (in a way that is enjoyable to both of you) to fulfill their desires. It could make a woman feel very empowered if she feels like she can let her partner take control and do whatever is necessary to fulfill their desires, because she has the power to allow that to happen, and she feels secure enough in the relationship to let that happen. It's about her being a method through which the other person can fulfill their desires, and it would be an empowering thing to know that you are the essential component of the fulfillment of your partner's desires.

Plus it's the power of the unknown which can be a highly arousing factor; if someone relinquishes control to someone else, it could be very exciting not knowing what's going to happen next and knowing that you're not in control of it. Of course, again, it would have to be a secure relationship with a lot of trust, but if it was that sort of relationship, the element of the unknown could easily lead to heightened arousal.