logansrogue (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
logansrogue) wrote2010-01-23 02:34 pm
logansrogue) wrote2010-01-23 02:34 pm
Rape Apology and Rape Culture - Even *you* can contribute to Victim Blaming!
AN: Please keep in mind that this entire angry rant is using the general "you", not the specific "you". Oh for days when we had a choice between "You" and "Thou".
So! You're progressive! You're forward-thinking, forward-acting, and you care about the little people. Bravo!
But don't get too comfortable. Nobody's perfect - that's what it is to be human! In your striving to be compassionate, to be intellectual and logical, however, be careful not to pad your conscience with the bumper zone of being an apologist. Whether that be in charges of racism, sexism, misogyny or what the hell ever.
This Post and subsequent thread at Jezebel illustrates just that.
People seem to be having a really hard time parsing the fact that rapists are Nice People Too. They care for their grandmothers, they look after their babies, they help you out when you're down! They are people's brothers, husbands, best friends, relatives. It really hurts when you find out that someone you care about or have been social with is actually a predator. It sucks, but believe me when I tell you, you are doing nobody any favours by dismissing their crimes as mistakes, or as one-time affairs.
Let me explain it as simply as I can.
Rape happens because one person thinks they're entitled to another person's body. Rape happens because the perpetrator has huge fucking psychological problems and can't deal with life on their own. So to compensate for that, they scrabble for control by taking control of other people's bodies. This is a learnt behaviour that is integral to who they are as a person. Many values and behaviours branch from this deep belief of entitlement.
A rapist is someone who thinks their mental well-being is more important than YOUR life and happiness. Than your safety, your security, your mental well-being.
They are selfish bastards that will put themselves above other people.
Not all people, of course. Not usually men, not particular women or children. No, not everyone. And there-in lies the fucking problem.
"He's never hurt me," people think. "It would be rude not to talk to them." "One act doesn't mean you still can't be a good person!" "But he was so nice to me all those years!"
By even airing this stuff as a default, by bringing this up every time a rapist is discussed, it is both bringing the victim into doubt and minimizing the crime. This happens enough in our culture. This shit isn't said in a vacuum, and every time someone assumes a rapist is a great guy, they're ignoring the victim, belittling their pain and their right to justice.
What about the victims? Aren't they usually great people too? Mothers and wives and daughters and sisters and cousins. I'm sure some of them like dancing, or helping rescue puppies and kittens. They might even like to go swimming or give to charity or help at the local homeless shelter.
Then one day some buttwipe decides that their own power and satisfaction is more important than that victim's selfhood.
Hundreds of thousands of people make excuses for him. And then the culture thinks it's okay. The victim is silenced. The predator is given voice and priority.
Don't be an apologist. What kind of person the rapist is is never, ever the issue. It doesn't matter. What matters is that someone is hurt and that we must stop people being hurt.
~~*~~
A/N2: Please understand that I navigated my own great anger, hurt and fury at the world to write this post. Use some sensitivity if you're going to disagree with me, but really - I rather you just didn't bring it up if you do.
So! You're progressive! You're forward-thinking, forward-acting, and you care about the little people. Bravo!
But don't get too comfortable. Nobody's perfect - that's what it is to be human! In your striving to be compassionate, to be intellectual and logical, however, be careful not to pad your conscience with the bumper zone of being an apologist. Whether that be in charges of racism, sexism, misogyny or what the hell ever.
This Post and subsequent thread at Jezebel illustrates just that.
People seem to be having a really hard time parsing the fact that rapists are Nice People Too. They care for their grandmothers, they look after their babies, they help you out when you're down! They are people's brothers, husbands, best friends, relatives. It really hurts when you find out that someone you care about or have been social with is actually a predator. It sucks, but believe me when I tell you, you are doing nobody any favours by dismissing their crimes as mistakes, or as one-time affairs.
Let me explain it as simply as I can.
Rape happens because one person thinks they're entitled to another person's body. Rape happens because the perpetrator has huge fucking psychological problems and can't deal with life on their own. So to compensate for that, they scrabble for control by taking control of other people's bodies. This is a learnt behaviour that is integral to who they are as a person. Many values and behaviours branch from this deep belief of entitlement.
A rapist is someone who thinks their mental well-being is more important than YOUR life and happiness. Than your safety, your security, your mental well-being.
They are selfish bastards that will put themselves above other people.
Not all people, of course. Not usually men, not particular women or children. No, not everyone. And there-in lies the fucking problem.
"He's never hurt me," people think. "It would be rude not to talk to them." "One act doesn't mean you still can't be a good person!" "But he was so nice to me all those years!"
By even airing this stuff as a default, by bringing this up every time a rapist is discussed, it is both bringing the victim into doubt and minimizing the crime. This happens enough in our culture. This shit isn't said in a vacuum, and every time someone assumes a rapist is a great guy, they're ignoring the victim, belittling their pain and their right to justice.
What about the victims? Aren't they usually great people too? Mothers and wives and daughters and sisters and cousins. I'm sure some of them like dancing, or helping rescue puppies and kittens. They might even like to go swimming or give to charity or help at the local homeless shelter.
Then one day some buttwipe decides that their own power and satisfaction is more important than that victim's selfhood.
Hundreds of thousands of people make excuses for him. And then the culture thinks it's okay. The victim is silenced. The predator is given voice and priority.
Don't be an apologist. What kind of person the rapist is is never, ever the issue. It doesn't matter. What matters is that someone is hurt and that we must stop people being hurt.
~~*~~
A/N2: Please understand that I navigated my own great anger, hurt and fury at the world to write this post. Use some sensitivity if you're going to disagree with me, but really - I rather you just didn't bring it up if you do.
no subject
It seems like sometimes the more educated and liberal people are, the more toxic they become. I'm liberal and educated, so...
Like my mother has a Ph.D. She did her dissertation on women's body issues and the collective unconscious/feminine divine. Not that that stopped her own massive body image issues OR taking that shit out on me.
Anyways, when I was raped and I reported it she screamed at me for "creating more drama" and asked "what were you doing with him in the first place."
Later, she totally invalidated me and swore up and down she never said that and never would have said that - though she was and still is emotionally abusive in general and always treated me as some psychology experiment instead of a child, up to and including smoking pot with me when I was 14 (thought it was cool at the time. Now I have an 11-year-old and I'm like what the fuck.)
And she's so educated and so supposedly feminist it makes me nauseated to hear her talk about women's rights anymore. It probably triggers me more than rape talk because I know what a hypocrite she is and that when I needed her the most, she told me to fuck off.
Not the first time, btw. When I got pregnant at 18 and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, she sent me to live in a homeless shelter but that's another story, just using it to illustrate what a shitty person she is.
/rant
no subject