Playing past the pain.

Computers games have turned out to be a really good way for me to distract myself from the pain I usually suffer. That and Numb3rs episodes, but I can't watch them 24/7 now, can I? LOL! (Say nothing, Choc, darling).

Anyway, Gem Shop has ended up being a very addictive game. One I'm enjoying immensely!

-Nancy.

Why am I so fucking tired?!

I slept till three-thirty in the afternoon today. I went to sleep at two am. That's fucking RIDICULOUS!!!! Even if I DID stay up late! And now? Now I am SO tired. I can barely keep my fucking eyes open. All I want to do is curl up and go to sleep.

Mum said that it's all fair enough, considering the huge amounts of pain I was in yesterday. I mean, the Mercyndol couldn't rid me of it, it was that bad. The mercyndol ended up knocking me out, and that's what stopped the pain - unconsciousness.

I was curled up on the ground CRYING it was that bad. Fuck.

And today the pain is still there, nowhere near as bad, but I'm just so freaking exhausted. I just feel like I'm so lazy and I'm wasting my time.

And them I'm in pain again and I'm too sore to do anything but wish I was asleep.

Creating characters is the hardest thing to do.

It really is. You can't go out and DO it. It has to HAPPEN to you. Carrie - she just happened to me. Andrea, Ci-Ki, Alex - they all happened to me. Stacey walked fully formed, pin-pointed stiletto heeled and gloriously bitchy, right into my head.

Sometimes, however, I have a real struggle with characters. Cause I think early on, "Yeah, this character will end up with this character." It's one of the first things I decide on. But those characters have to LIKE each other. How the fuck do you make two people like each other? You don't. You can't. You introduce them and hope to HIGH heaven that they end up getting along. Cause if they don't, the whole idea is fucked. You can't MAKE them do anything. Writing isn't like that.

Worst is creating characters for an already formed universe. I worked so hard on Constance Adams. Thankfully people really liked her in the end. I really want to make sure her daughter is in the least bit Mary-Sueish. It's so difficult, because she is, by nature, a fish out of water in her environment. She's half-Arab, half-English. She wants to be strong like her Aunt Evy and lovely like her mother, but she lives in the middle of nowhere in a tribe where everyone expects very strict things from her. But she also has a warrior heart, and wants to walk in the footsteps of her father, because she doesn't want to end up like the other girls she grew up with - married and pregnant! She fiercely loves her home, and she loves to learn to fight and how to handle weaponry. She's a young woman in a madly changing world. She knows what she wants but she can't seem to fit in the world around her. She wants to please her father but everything she does just makes him angry and upset. She's lovely, but she's not like her mother. That's another thing that causes her stress. She measures beauty by that of her mother's, and Connie being a blonde haired, blue-eyed English Rose, she can never live up to that. So she thinks she's ugly. She doesn't look quite like the other girls. I'm still trying to find the right actress for her, actually.

Anyway, I hope she's not MSish. I'd die if she was. I better get back to it, I suppose.