logansrogue (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
logansrogue) wrote2001-06-24 04:17 am
logansrogue) wrote2001-06-24 04:17 am
Dear God
Hiya. How are you. Me here. First off, I'd like to thank you for the awesome cats I have. They really are beautiful, and I thank you for blessing me with their companionship. Xena is very fluffy, very fat, and a very good example of cat-kind. Lenny and Melma are good too.
Okay, to the point of my prayer/letter thingo. Dude. What the hell is with my brain? What's wrong with it? I mean - other people have the ability to function normally without any emotional trauma, why am I so different? It's the little things that really get to me, you know? Like the emotional anxiety I get when meeting new people for the first time. Sure, other people feel it but I get really stupid about it. And I avoid getting into new situations because I hate trying to figure out how to handle it. I get very very stressed out.
Then there's this depression thing, and I see a doctor and she gives me pills. And it's gotten to the stage that I can't even remember why I was depressed anymore and I'm taking these pills and I can't sleep at night yet I'm tired as heck and my jaw keeps clenching. Clenching clenching clenching. And my brain is like - totally racing you know? Wow it's weird. Yet cause I'm tired I totally can't DO anything so being awake is kind of pointless.
Then I wake up at 2pm the next day feeling depressed and lackadaisical.
I don't get into TAFE college, I'm unemployed, in trouble with my boss and sick with a cold that isn't really a cold but I'm not well. It's halfway there and all I feel like doing is drinking orange juice and wearing my pyjamas, but knowing that I don't look or sound that sick. But I am sick a little. It's consistent - doesn't come, doesn't go. It stays.
God, am I a hypochondriac? If I am, at least that would be treatable. Right now I think I'm just a lazy-assed bum who can't be bothered dealing with her own depression and that doesn't feel good and I have a very low self esteem as a result.
God, I know you want me to do wonderful things in this life. I know because I've been armed with all these kick-ass gifts like creativity and a vivaceous go-getting personality and rather memorable looks (I don't know if they're good or not, but people tend to remember me), and things like that, and people are always telling me I'm gonna go somewhere someday and that they want me to remember them when I'm famous. I really can't see myself going ANYWHERE in the frame of mind I'm in at the moment.
All I can see myself doing is losing faith and crying a lot.
I do have faith in you, though, God, and that's why I'm writing this up and putting it in my diary. Well I better go. I plan to watch Lawrence of Arabia, wish I had the Mummy movies on DVD and think about ancient arabs and egyptians a lot. I keep stopping myself from eating chocolate. Is that bad? Probably not.
Much love,
Your froopster,
Nacey.
Okay, to the point of my prayer/letter thingo. Dude. What the hell is with my brain? What's wrong with it? I mean - other people have the ability to function normally without any emotional trauma, why am I so different? It's the little things that really get to me, you know? Like the emotional anxiety I get when meeting new people for the first time. Sure, other people feel it but I get really stupid about it. And I avoid getting into new situations because I hate trying to figure out how to handle it. I get very very stressed out.
Then there's this depression thing, and I see a doctor and she gives me pills. And it's gotten to the stage that I can't even remember why I was depressed anymore and I'm taking these pills and I can't sleep at night yet I'm tired as heck and my jaw keeps clenching. Clenching clenching clenching. And my brain is like - totally racing you know? Wow it's weird. Yet cause I'm tired I totally can't DO anything so being awake is kind of pointless.
Then I wake up at 2pm the next day feeling depressed and lackadaisical.
I don't get into TAFE college, I'm unemployed, in trouble with my boss and sick with a cold that isn't really a cold but I'm not well. It's halfway there and all I feel like doing is drinking orange juice and wearing my pyjamas, but knowing that I don't look or sound that sick. But I am sick a little. It's consistent - doesn't come, doesn't go. It stays.
God, am I a hypochondriac? If I am, at least that would be treatable. Right now I think I'm just a lazy-assed bum who can't be bothered dealing with her own depression and that doesn't feel good and I have a very low self esteem as a result.
God, I know you want me to do wonderful things in this life. I know because I've been armed with all these kick-ass gifts like creativity and a vivaceous go-getting personality and rather memorable looks (I don't know if they're good or not, but people tend to remember me), and things like that, and people are always telling me I'm gonna go somewhere someday and that they want me to remember them when I'm famous. I really can't see myself going ANYWHERE in the frame of mind I'm in at the moment.
All I can see myself doing is losing faith and crying a lot.
I do have faith in you, though, God, and that's why I'm writing this up and putting it in my diary. Well I better go. I plan to watch Lawrence of Arabia, wish I had the Mummy movies on DVD and think about ancient arabs and egyptians a lot. I keep stopping myself from eating chocolate. Is that bad? Probably not.
Much love,
Your froopster,
Nacey.